Top Ten Unfortunate Character Names

Spoilers!! I don’t think I can talk about these names without giving away a little of the story, but I’ll try to keep them to a minimum


The first four are ones that as soon as I read them, I thought they were terrible choices.


1. Renesmee - Breaking Dawn, by: Stephenie Meyer. Really? Really?! Their baby is named what? You couldn’t come up with a name that was easier to pronounce. I know other characters in the book comment on the difficulty of the name, so that her nickname is “Nessy”, which is still dumb. I think this was the first name I ever looked at had to pause in my reading to contemplate how terrible it was.


2. Bree Tanner – The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner, by: Stephenie Meyer. I get she’s young and we’re supposed to feel sympathy for her, but “Bree” is not a sympathetic name. The surname is fine, but I just can’t stand the name Bree for a heroine.


3. Courtney Stone – Confessions of a Jane Austen Addict, by: Laurie Viera Rigler. This was another name that jumped out at me. I loved the story, thought it was interesting, but when I hear “Courtney” I think snobby teenage girl.


4. Fuschia – The Fuschia Is Now, by: J. Otto Seibold. I disliked this children’s book. One of the things I didn’t like was the main character being named after a silly colour. The colour/name is yelled through the whole book. It has yet to hold my daughter’s interest.


The rest aren’t terrible, but I thought they could have been better.


5. Artemis Entreri – The Legend of Drizzt series, by: R.A. Salvatore. I love Salvatore’s Drizzt books. I think they’re fun and exciting. I also think Salvatore is excellent when it comes to naming characters. Except when he name Artemis Entreri. Have you ever tried to pronounce his last name? It’s hard, but that’s not the part the really bugs me. Artemis is a girl’s name. Artemis is a Greek warrior goddess. A friend pointed out to me that she’s heard Artemis as a boy’s name before and I have too. Any time I hear it as a boy’s name, it irks me.


6. Dale “Barbie” Barbara – Under The Dome, by: Stephen King. Dale is a perfectly fine name. I even don’t mind the nickname, Barbie, when it’s used cleverly. But why does EVERYONE have to call him that? Even the woman he has sex with?


7. Liz Dunn – Eleanor Rigby, by: Douglas Coupland. Eleanor Rigby was a fantastic novel and Liz was a great character. Was Liz Dunn done from the beginning?


8. Samantha Sweeting – The Undomestic Goddess, by: Sophie Kinsella. She’s supposed to be a lawyer. Sweeting is just a very unlawyerly name.


9. Lord Bostock – The Princess and the Whiskheads, by: Russell Smith. As soon as I read that name, I thought “botox”. Sorry.


I could only come up with nine. A friend of mine suggested my last entry.


10. Every Mary Higgins Clark Character – I admit to never having read one of her books. My friend tells me that the women are supposed to be young and sexy, but they have “old lady” names. I’m taking her word on this.


Thanks to The Broke and The Bookish for another great list and the most difficult one for me since I've been participating.
 

The Princess And The Whiskheads

Russell Smith’s The Princess And The Whiskheads was simply fabulous. I loved Princess Juliana. She is such a believable female character. She is not a superwoman, nor is she a damsel in distress. Juliana may be the most beautiful woman in the land, but she has faults. This balance of virtues and faults are what make her relatable.

One of the funny things about trust is that it can be both a virtue and a fault, depending one how it is used. Princess Juliana trusted her advisors and the other nobles of the courts. She trusted them to treat the people fairly. She trusted them to do what was in the best interest of the kingdom. Then on her first venture into the city, she saw that horrible school. An ugly building, unfit for children, baring her name. She was horrified. One walk into the city and she learned so much.

The male characters were also quite interesting, especially the suitors. There is Lord Lucas, a handsome noble, who clearly wants to rekindle their childhood flame. Lord Bostock, the poet among the strapping nobles, also pursues the princess, as honestly as he can. Then there is Jan, the charming, mesmerizing peasant, a whiskhead. Juliana feels for them and they desire her. Will she end up with one of them? Who captures her heart? They are all present at the end of the tale.

Though the book calls itself a modern fairytale, I wouldn’t necessarily read it to young children. Let’s just say that there are a few “may not be appropriate for younger audiences” scenes. They are tastefully written and fit in well with the stories. However, if you’re reading this to a six-year-old, you might want to skip the word nipple (a couple times). It does have that fairytale sensibility though, making it a pleasure to read.